Sophia’s Voice

This one is especially for the meltdown managers. The moms, the dads, the grandparents, anyone who knows and loves a child with special needs. Meltdowns may look a little different for each person who experiences them. They may also vary in severity and duration. Meltdowns can be especially overwhelming for parents with non verbal children. Knowing how to comfort and soothe a child experiencing a meltdown can truly be a struggle. When you discover methods that help to relieve your child of the overstimulation and anxiety they are feeling at that time, you will begin to notice these meltdowns becoming shorter in duration and maybe less frequent.

When Sophia was small she experienced very intense meltdowns. I will never forget the very first one which came long before Sophia’s diagnosis and before we had even heard the word “autism.” It was Labor Day weekend and I had taken Sophia to the shopping mall along with my mother and sister in law. She had fallen asleep in her stroller and napped while I pushed her around the department store. When Sophia began to wake up it was clear that she was a bit unhappy. I tried to calm her by offering her a drink, a snack, holding her, but no matter what I did she continued to get more and more upset. Eventually I took her into a large fitting room and closed the door behind us. At this point she was inconsolable. I watched as my beautiful baby girl screamed as if she was in physical pain. Anytime I tried to hold her she pushed away from me and screamed louder. She began to bang her head on the floor so hard I could hear it thump. Afraid that she would severely injure herself I sat down in the floor, picked her up and held her as tightly as I could against my chest. When I was able, I called her dad to come and pick us both up. I cried the entire way home. Replaying the events in my head over and over again. I just couldn’t understand what went wrong or why she would try to harm herself. It truly broke my heart that I was unable to help her.

Fortunately as time passed and Sophia grew older I became more aware of the things that triggered her meltdowns and was able to find different methods of comforting her. Every child is different but I hope sharing what I’ve learned can help others better manage their child’s meltdowns.

The most important piece of advice I can give is to remain calm and remind yourself that in the midst of a meltdown your child is not trying to give you a hard time, your child is having a hard time. I refer to this as the “golden rule.” Your reaction will most likely have a direct impact on your child’s ability to cope with the overwhelming anxiety they are feeling. Show your child patience and keep in mind that even if you’re in public, it is not your responsibility to end the meltdown but to comfort your child until the meltdown ends.

Take a break.

When your child begins to feel overstimulated take a break. Find a quiet, secluded area and allow your child to sit. A bathroom, a bench, an isle in the grocery store without other shoppers.. Anywhere your child can be given a moment to try and calm down. In the picture below, Sophia was taking a break in Walmart. It had been a while since she had joined me on a shopping trip and she was becoming extremely overstimulated. We found a vacant isle and I pulled a chair from the shelf for her to sit on. Without fear of looking silly I sat on the floor beside her until I felt she was able to continue.

Redirection

While your child is taking a break, try to draw their attention away from the things that seem to be overwhelming them by giving them something enjoyable to focus on instead. Offer their tablet or device, their favorite fidget toy, a book, a drink, a small snack, (fruit snacks are our go-to!) maybe even a toy from the shelf. I always carry a generously sized bag so that I can pack several of Sophia’s preferred items and snacks when we are leaving the house. Having something positive to focus on may help your child continue without feeling as anxious about their surroundings.

Leave the situation.

If you have tried all options and your child was not able to calm down, sometimes the best thing you can do is remove them from the situation completely. This is something that took a long time for me to learn and accept. I was afraid that by leaving a family event early I would hurt someone’s feelings or if I didn’t finish grocery shopping I had failed. What I didn’t realize is that it was completely acceptable and sometimes necessary to remove Sophia from a situation that was uncomfortable for her, in order to truly help her. We have walked out of countless department stores, left behind shopping carts in the grocery store, and suddenly left family events without an explanation. There is no reason to feel guilty for doing what is best for your child. Period.

Useful Tools

No matter if you are in public or at home when your child is experiencing anxiety or overstimulation, it is helpful to have tools available to help your child. We have tried many different sensory tools and I will list our favorites for you to test with your child. There are so many things on the market designed specifically to soothe and comfort autistic children while meeting their sensory needs! The items listed below barely graze the surface. I strongly suggest figuring out what kind of sensory input comforts your child and researching products that offer that type specifically.

• Weighted blanket- This is something we use very often at home. We began by covering Sophia with it after sitting her in a comfortable spot when she began to get upset or show signs of anxiety. Eventually she began to cover and comfort herself with it when she started to feel anxious. These can be found on Amazon! I have even seen weighted stuffed animals, which may be more convenient or even preferred! *AMAZON LINK* Bood Glow Minky Weighted Blanket Kids, Glow in Dark Kids Weighted Blanket 5 Lbs, Girls Weighted Blanket Child, 5 lb Weighted Blankets for Kids , Kids Weighted Blanket 5 Pounds,Rainbow Colorful Unicorn https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09JB5XYV3/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_YS4P8CPVCCCHNT9XRRPX?psc=1
• Fidget toys- There are a so many different kinds of fidget toys or sensory toys on the market. You can also make your own! They are great for your child to use in situations that may require them to sit for a period of time and can also be used for redirection. *AMAZON LINK* (50 Pcs) Fidget Toy Pack Pop It Poppers Popit Sensory Toys Push Easter Basket Stuffers Gifts Kids Figetsss Set Mini Poppet Figit Package Figetget Spinners Autism Stress Relief Ball Autistic ADHD Girls https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0973R7JMP/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_HGFXB98VWRSWWTDAYXFY?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 *PINTEREST LINK* (for DIY) https://pin.it/4wY0PFt Sophia and I made sensory bottles like these when she was a toddler and she LOVED them! *PINTEREST LINK* https://pin.it/4aiyjke
• Noise canceling headphones- This isn’t a product we use very often but it is still a very helpful item to have on standby! *AMAZON LINK* ALPINE HEARING PROTECTION Muffy Earmuffs for Kids 3-16 Adjustable Noise Reduction Headphones – Mint https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08JYZLZPP/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_ZTXSXNC1W73ZX0Q4J8FQ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
• Sensory Brushes- This was something that truly helped Sophia when she was a toddler. the sensation was very calming for her. When We used these I kept one in just about every room, my purse, and my vehicle! *AMAZON LINK* Special Supplies Therapressure Therapy Brush for Occupational and Sensory Brushing, 6 Pack, Stimulating and Calming Tools for Kids and Adults, Soft Flexible Bristles, Latex Free https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MKX3THZ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_CC8DT0KVTJ2192KHXDBX?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
• Chewy- Sophia has always been a “sensory seeker” as a result, she likes to chew on various things. We bought these a few yeasts ago and still use these every day! She is a big fan of her chewy necklace! *AMAZON LINK* 3 Pack Sensory Chew Necklace for Kids Toddlers with Autism ADHD,Biting Needs,Oral Motor Chewy Stick,Teether Toys for Autistic Chewers,Gum-Friendly https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08KY7VKVC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_E1B8146Z16NXHCZ0A7R0